I'm THAT Mom.....

Lise heads out for a boffer battle while Miah looks on,

Unschoolers Rock the Campground II, Plymouth, MA, July 2010.

Checking out the entrance display before boarding

the Mayflower II. Jeremiah, almost 9, and Annalise,

who had just turned 6.

Yup, I am that Mom. You know the one. The one whose kids are always a little rumpled and scuffed looking. The one who isn't so very sheveled herself.

Happy campers on a really hot day!

Maybe you know us, or another family like us. A family who seems utterly oblivious to the shabby public image they present, a family where those rumpled children walk up and engage you in conversation without any thought other than you will accept them as they are. You might even have wondered what their mother was thinking, why she let them go out in public like that, if she cares at all how others think about her kids, how she could be so neglectful about their appearance.

Since I am that Mom, I'll tell you. I am thinking of my beautiful, rumpled children with the mismatched, very well-worn clothing and the sparkling laughter bubbling out from their souls.

And I am thinking of the lake where we camped last weekend. I think of the pictures I have.....it is lovely, and picturesque. Attendants raked the beach clean daily; the shore was well tended.

When we ventured into the water, it was a very different place. There was a long, barely sloping floor. In some places, gritty sand was underfoot, littered with sharp rocks. In others, the surface below was a slimy, gooey thing, harboring ample growth of lake flora. Thermoclines brought shifting waves of warm and chill water. There was a rich, fertile smell, and, as evening drew on, there were occasional gentle bumps on my legs, as unseen fish tasted me.

The lake at Pinewood Lodge, Plymouth MA, July 2010

None of this shows from the surface. Neither does what is happening inside my rumpled and scuffed children. They are alive within themselves, and aware as few children seem to be, in this world. They know who they are, and the character of their souls, beneath the surface. They don't value themselves based on that surface - and neither do I.

My not quite 9 year old son, like so many boys of his age, doesn't care overmuch about being clean. When he's waited past my comfort zone, I might compel or coerce him into getting clean....but then, he would miss out on knowing the luxury of choosing to bathe or shower, of lingering and feeling himself relax into the peace warm water can bring. If I made a battle of it, he might never feel anything beyond the surface demands I made. I am that Mom who has no interest in robbing him of getting clean in his own way, in his own time, and feeling whatever he feels during the process.

Modern young warrior Jeremiah, equipped

with self-made boffer, cell phone, dragon shirt,

and penetrating stare!

He loved the ecologically sensitive, coin-operated

shower at the campground.

My 6 year old daughter has, since she was able to move, expressed a strong interest in fashion. Her aesthetic is her own, and she certainly doesn't plan her wardrobe according to adult sensibilities. She often claims her brother's castoffs, and decorates herself purely for her own pleasure. She will dress up and preen before mirrors, posing without a trace of the self-deprecation so many girls are already living with, at her age. She values herself for herself, and wears clothing that reflects that self. If I made a battle of it, she might always question her right to freely express herself, in a way that could stretch to include a lot more than what she chooses to wear. Like so many girls before her, she might lose the freedom to own her own self-image, or even her self. I am that Mom who has no interest in robbing her of her sense of self, or the freedom to express that self in ways that please her.

Daredevil tomboy, or........

...disrobed and decorated diva?

I am that Mom who looks at her rumpled, scuffed young ones, and sees the incredible depths of the life thriving beneath.....

Joyously rumpled and scuffed before the wild Atlantic!!!!!